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| Name: |
architect
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| Subject: |
Adventures at Sam's Club
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Date:
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8/10/2011 8:01:05 PM (updated 8/10/2011 8:02:53 PM)
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A couple days ago I was at my local Sam's Club buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet "Biscuit the wonder dog". The woman behind me in the check out line asked me if I had a dog. Well, my first inclination to ask her what the heck she thought I had...an elephant, but instead, since I am retired and have a lot of time on my hands, I decided to have some fun. I told her no I didn't have a dog but was going back onto my Purina diet. I explained I had been on it last year and lost 50 pounds before ending up in the intensive care unit with tubes coming out of or going into every orifice in my body. I told her it was an almost perfect diet. It worked by filling all your pockets with Purina nuggets and you simply popped a couple of them in your mouth whenever you felt hungry. It's a nearly perfect diet, the nuggets are nutritionally complete, don't taste too bad and that I was ready to give it another go...(at this point almost all the shoppers were listening enthralled to my tale)
Finally she asked "If it is such a good diet why did you end up in intensive care?...Did you eventually get some kind of food poisoning or toxic shock from eating nothing but dog food?" I told her "No, worse than that...I stepped off the curb to sniff the butt of an Irish Setter and was run over by a car!!" I thought the man behind her was going to wet himself he was laughing so hard. She had no sense of humor and stormed out in a huff leaving her full shopping cart in the check out aisle. Of course, after all the mayhem died down the Sam's Club manager asked me to leave and never return to his store again.
Better be careful what you ask a retired person...we have all the time in the world to think up lots of crazy stuff to say with a completely straight face!!!
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