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| Name: |
HubCap
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| Subject: |
Oil Change instructions for Women
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Date:
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2/14/2012 6:55:42 PM
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> *Oil Change instructions for Women:*
> > *
> > 1. Pull up to Dealership when the mileage reaches 5,000
> > miles since the
> > last oil change.*
> > *
> > 2. Relax in the waiting room while enjoying a cup of
> > coffee.*
> >
> > *3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave,
> > driving a properly
> > maintained vehicle.
> >
> > Money spent:
> > Oil Change:$24.00
> > Coffee: Complementary*
> >
> > *TOTAL: $24.00* *
> >
> >
> >
> > Oil Change instructions for Men:
> >
> > 1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a
> > case of oil,
> > filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, and
> > use your debit
> > card for $50.00.
> >
> > 2. Stop to buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home.
> >
> > 3. Open a beer and drink it.
> >
> > 4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> >
> > 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> >
> > 6.. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> >
> > 7. Place drain pan under engine.
> >
> > 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> >
> > 9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
> >
> > 10. Unscrew drain plug.
> >
> > 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you
> > in process.
> > Cuss.
> >
> > 12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face
> > and arms. Throw
> > kitty litter on spilled oil.
> >
> > 13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> >
> > 14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
> >
> > 15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver
> > through oil filter
> > and twist off.
> >
> > 16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter
> > splashing oil
> > everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among
> > trash in trash
> > can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
> >
> > 17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat
> > of oil to
> > gasket surface.
> >
> > 18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> >
> > 19. Remember drain plug from step 11.
> >
> > 20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> >
> > 21. Drink beer.
> >
> > 22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the
> > floor. Throw kitty
> > litter on oil spill.
> >
> > 23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink
> > beer.
> >
> > 24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe
> > eyes with oily
> > rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent
> > wrench tightening
> > drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess
> > skin between
> > knuckles and frame.
> >
> > 25. Begin cussing fit.
> >
> > 26. Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> >
> > 27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck
> > and left dent.
> >
> > 28. Beer.
> >
> > 29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood
> > flow.
> >
> > 30. Beer.
> >
> > 31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> >
> > 32. Beer.
> >
> > 33. Lower truck from jack stands.
> >
> > 34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil
> > spilled during
> > any missed steps.
> >
> > 35. Beer.
> >
> > 36. Test drive truck.
> >
> > 37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the
> > influence.
> >
> > 38. Truck gets impounded.
> >
> > 39. Call loving wife, make bail.* *40. 12
> > hours later, get truck from
> > impound yard.* *Money spent:* *
> > Parts: $50.00
> > DUI: $2,500.00
> > Impound fee: $75.00
> > Bail: $1,500.00
> > Beer: $20.00
> > TOTAL: $4,145.00
> >
> > But you know the job was done right!
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