A modern day cowboy named Bob has spent many days crossing

the South Dakota prairies without water.
His horse had already died of thirst. He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie named Patty. But she is no ordinary genie.

She is wearing an iRS iD badge and a dull grey outfit. There's a Calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. 'Well, cowboy,' says the genie,'You know how i work....You have three wishes.'

'i'm not falling for this,' said the cowboy,'i'm not going to trust an iRS genie.' 'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is'OK!

i wish i were along-side a lush spring with plenty of food and drink.'
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself beside the most beautiful spring he has ever seen, and he's surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish..'

'My second wish is that i was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'
** *POOF***
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish.

Better make it a good one!'

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says, 'i wish that no matter where i go, beautiful women will want and need me.'
***POOF***
He was turned into a tampon.

Moral of the story:
if the U.S. government offers to help you,
there's going to be a string attached.