I'm working as hard as I can to get my life and my cash to run out at thesame time. If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything will be

perfect.
- Doug Sanders, professional golfer

All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives "See, there's a fat guy
doing okay. Bring me another beer."
Mickey Lolich, Detroit Tigers Pitcher

Last year we couldn't win at home and we were losing on the road. My failure
as a coach was that I couldn't think of anyplace else to play.
- Harry Neale, professional hockey coach

When it's third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers; I'll take the
whiskey drinkers every time.
- Max McGee, Green Bay Packers receiver

I found out that it's not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of
the people who hear them don't care and the other twenty percent are glad
you're having trouble.
- Tommy LaSorda, LA Dodgers manager

My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget.
- E. J. Holub, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker regarding his 12 knee
operations

My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone and make it hit your mouth,
you can learn to play. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren't
as good.
- Vic Braden, tennis instructor

Blind people come to the ballpark just to listen to him pitch.
- Reggie Jackson commenting on Tom Seaver

When they operated, I told them to put in a Koufax fastball. They did - but
it was Mrs. Koufax's.
- Tommy John N.Y. Yankees recalling his 1974 arm surgery

I don't know. I only played there for nine years.
- Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever
smiles

We were tipping off our plays. Whenever we broke from the huddle, three
backs were laughing and one was pale as a ghost.
- John Breen, Houston Oilers

The film looks suspiciously like the game itself.
- Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints after viewing a lop-sided loss to the
Atlanta Falcons

When I'm on the road, my greatest ambition is to get a standing boo.
- Al Hrabosky, major league relief pitcher

The only difference between me and General Custer is that I have to watch
the films on Sunday.
- Rick Venturi, Northwestern football coach

I have discovered, in twenty years of moving around the ball park, that the
knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the
seats.
- Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox owner

Because if it didn't work out, I didn't want to blow the whole day.
- Paul Horning, Green Bay Packers running back on why his marriage ceremony
was before noon.

I have a lifetime contract. That means I can't be fired during the third
quarter if we're ahead and moving the ball.
- Lou Holtz, Arkansas football coach

I won't know until my barber tells me on Monday.
- Knute Rockne, when asked why Notre Dame had lost a game

I tell him "Attaway to hit, George."
- Jim Frey, K.C. Royals manager when asked what advice he gives George Brett
on hitting

I learned a long time ago that "minor surgery" is when they do the operation
on someone else, not you.
- Bill Walton, Portland Trial Blazers

Our biggest concern this season will be diaper rash.
- George MacIntyre, Vanderbilt football coach surveying the team roster that
included 26 freshmen and 25 sophomores.