Name:	hub -	Reply
Subject:	HOLY HUMOUR
Date:	8/14/2014 10:15:50 AM

> HOLY HUMOUR > > > **A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I > know what the Bible means!" > > His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the > Bible means? > > The son replied, "I do know!" > > "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" > > "That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands > for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.' (This one is my > favorite) > > > ======= > > > There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible > to her brother in another part of the country. > > "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. > > "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady. > > > ======== > > > "Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. > There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, > Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good > Lord, it's morning." > > > ======== > > > A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because > he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. > > Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have > circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my > appointment. Forgive us our trespasses." > > When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with > this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a > ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation." > > > ======== > > > There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced > to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news > is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad > news is, it's still out there in your pockets." > > > ======== > > > While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish > carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, > because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed > sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do > not step in exhaust." > > > ======== > > > A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and > girls, what do we know about God?" > > A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy. > > "Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.. > > "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... " > > > ======== > > > A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just > before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but > there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him > toward a vacant pump. > > "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It > seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a > long trip." > > The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business." > > > ======== > > > People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the > center of attention. > > > ======== > > > Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the > lesson was about.. > > The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." > > Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor > stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday > school lesson was about. > > He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming." > > > ======== > > > The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to > ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were > expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was > annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute > had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to > know what to play. > > "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll > have to think of something to play after I make the announcement > about the finances." > > During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and > Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as > much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can > pledge $100 or more, please stand up." > > At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." > > And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!