Jokes: BOB HOPE IN HEAVEN
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Name:
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HubCap
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Subject:
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BOB HOPE IN HEAVEN
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Date:
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12/6/2009 6:33:12 AM
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>> BOB HOPE IN HEAVEN
>>
>> For those of you too young to remember Bob Hope, ask your
>> Grandparents.
>>
>>
>> I HOPE THIS WILL PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART.
>>
>> Tribute to a man who DID make a difference.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> ON TURNING 70
>> 'You still chase women, but only downhill'.
>>
>>
>> ON TURNING 80
>> 'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit
>> needs pressing.'
>>
>>
>> ON TURNING 90
>> 'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than
>> the cake.'
>>
>>
>> ON TURNING 100
>> 'I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything until
>> noon. Then it's time for my nap.'
>>
>>
>> ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
>> 'I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on
>> them.'
>>
>>
>> ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR
>> 'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home,
>> 'Passover'.
>>
>>
>> ON GOLF
>> 'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the
>> green fees.'
>>
>>
>> ON PRESIDENTS
>> 'I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only
>> six.'
>>
>>
>> ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
>> 'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother,
>> "Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham."
>>
>>
>> ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
>> 'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of
>> character to fight it.'
>>
>>
>> ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY
>> 'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother
>> threw on another brother.'
>>
>>
>> ON HIS SIX BROTHERS
>> 'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.'
>>
>>
>> ON HIS EARLY FAILURES
>> 'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the
>> stuff the audience threw at me.'
>>
>>
>> ON GOING TO HEAVEN
>> 'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the
>> hereafter on a technicality.'
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