Jokes: PEARLS OF WISDOM.
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Name:   HubCap The author of this post is registered as a member - Email Member
Subject:   PEARLS OF WISDOM.
Date:   3/14/2011 6:40:28 AM



PEARLS OF WISDOM.

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,

"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."

-
Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

<><>


I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to
read the description in the catalogue: - "No good in a bed, but fine against a
wall."
- Eleanor Roosevelt


<><>

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have
since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..

- Mark Twain


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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and
to have the two as close together as possible

- George Burns
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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.


- Victor Borge
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.


- Mark Twain


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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a
bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

- Socrates


<><>


I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

- Groucho Marx


<><>


My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to
breathe.
- Jimmy Durante


<><>


I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
<><>

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

- Alex Levine



<><>


My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery,
people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
<><>

Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of
misery

- Spike Milligan



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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was"SHUT UP".

- Joe Namath


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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap.

- Bob Hope



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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

- W. C. Fields



<><>


We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through
Congress.

- Will Rogers


<><>


Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
As you grow older, it will avoid you
.
- Winston Churchill



<><>


Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... But everything else starts to wear
out, fall out, or spread out.

- Phyllis Diller



<><>


By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.

- Billy Crystal



<><>


And the cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out!
Other messages in this thread:View Entire Thread
PEARLS OF WISDOM. - HubCap - 3/14/2011 6:40:28 AM
      PEARLS OF WISDOM. - architect - 3/14/2011 3:30:28 PM



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