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Name:
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HubCap
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Subject:
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$5.37
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Date:
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2/3/2013 10:56:04 AM
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$5.37
> > That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.
> >
> > I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something
> that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot,
> I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid
> with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me.
> >
> > He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."
> >
> > I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change
> hitting the counter in front of me.
> >
> > "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.
> >
> > I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior
> citizen?
> >
> > I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong
> with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old?
> Me?
> >
> > I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I
> strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.
> >
> > Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of
> me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?
> >
> > "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"
> >
> >
> > I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my
> mind!
> >
> > "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to
> anyone!"
> >
> > I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the
> ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried
> another. Still nothing.
> >
> > That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I
> had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.
> >
> > Then, a few other objects came into focus: The car seat in the back seat.
> Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut
> on the dashboard.
> >
> > Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.
> >
> > Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally
> be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in
> the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I
> reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.
> >
> > I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the
> restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail
> polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"
> >
> > All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this
> point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then
> go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.
> >
> > Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad
> came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a
> drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by
> mistake."
> >
> > I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.
> >
> > She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like
> this all the time."
> >
> > All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone.
> Yessss, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the
> officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.
> >
> > As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I
> handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in
> my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.
> >
> > The good news was that I had successfully found my way home.
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