Name:   HubCap - Subject:   ANDY ROONEY ON SEX! Date:   2/18/2013 2:50:43 PM

ANDY ROONEY ON SEX! 1.            When I was born, I was given a choice - a big penis or a good memory.... I don't remember what I chose. 2.            Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 3.            A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects. 4.            Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..." 5.            There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together. 6.            Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth. 7.            There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly. 8.            Virginity can be cured. 9.            Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity. 10.       Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. 11.       I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small. 12.       Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy. 13.       Question: What's an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under. 14.       A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing. 15.       Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't. 16.       Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Answer: Breasts don't have eyes. 17.       Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed,' many men still sleep with their wives!