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Name:
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HubCap
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Subject:
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Affairs....
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Date:
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11/4/2010 3:41:36 PM
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A > married man was having an affair >with his secretary. > >One day they went to her place >and made love all afternoon. > >Exhausted, they fell asleep >and woke up at 8 PM. > >The man hurriedly dressed >and told his lover to take his shoes >outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. > >He put on his shoes and drove home. > >'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. > >'I can't lie to you,' he replied, > >'I'm having an affair with my secretary. >We had sex all afternoon.' > >She looked down at his shoes and said: > >'You lying bastard! >You've been playing golf!' > > > > > >The 2nd Affair > >A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters >but always talked about having a son. > >They decided to try one last time >for the son they always wanted. > >The wife got pregnant >and delivered a healthy baby boy. > >The joyful father rushed to the nursery >to see his new son. > >He was horrified at the ugliest child >he had ever seen. > >He told his wife: 'There's no way I can >be the father of this baby. >Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! >Have you been fooling around behind my back?' > >The wife smiled sweetly and replied: >'No, not this time!' > > > > >The 3rd Affair > >A mortician was working late one night. > >He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, >about to be cremated, >and made a startling discovery. >Schwartz had the largest private part >he had ever seen! > >'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician >commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated >with such an impressive private part. >It must be saved for posterity.' > >So, he removed it, >stuffed it into his briefcase, >and took it home. > >'I have something to show >you won't believe,' he said to his wife, >opening his briefcase. > >'My God!' the wife exclaimed, >'Schwartz is dead!' > > > > >The 4th Affair > >A woman was in bed with her lover >when she heard her husband >opening the front door. > >'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' > >She rubbed baby oil all over him, >then dusted him with talcum powder. > >'Don't move until I tell you,' >she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.' > >'What's this?' the husband inquired >as he entered the room. > >'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. >'The Smiths bought one and I liked it >so I got one for us, too.' > >No more was said, >not even when they went to bed. > >Around 2 AM the husband got up, >went to the kitchen and returned >with a sandwich and a beer. > >'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this. >I stood like that for two days at the Smiths >and nobody offered me a damned thing.' > > > > >The 5th Affair > >A man walked into a cafe, >went to the bar and ordered a beer. > >'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.' > >'One Cent?' the man exclaimed. > >He glanced at the menu and asked: >'How much for a nice juicy steak >and a bottle of wine?' > >'A nickel,' the barman replied. > >'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. >'Where's the guy who owns this place?' > >The bartender replied: >'Upstairs, with my wife.' > >The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs >with your wife?' > >The bartender replied: >'The same thing I'm doing >to his business down here.' > > >The 6th & Best Affair > >Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. > >He looked up and said weakly: >'I have something I must confess.' > >'There's no need to, 'his wife replied. > >'No,' he insisted, >'I want to die in peace. >I slept with your sister, your best friend, >her best friend, and your mother!' > >'I know,' she replied. >'Now just rest and let the poison work. |
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