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Name:
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HubCap
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Subject:
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Oil Change instructions for Women
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Date:
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2/14/2012 6:55:42 PM
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> *Oil Change instructions for Women:* > > * > > 1. Pull up to Dealership when the mileage reaches 5,000 > > miles since the > > last oil change.* > > * > > 2. Relax in the waiting room while enjoying a cup of > > coffee.* > > > > *3. 15 minutes later, scan debit card and leave, > > driving a properly > > maintained vehicle. > > > > Money spent: > > Oil Change:$24.00 > > Coffee: Complementary* > > > > *TOTAL: $24.00* * > > > > > > > > Oil Change instructions for Men: > > > > 1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a > > case of oil, > > filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, and > > use your debit > > card for $50.00. > > > > 2. Stop to buy a case of beer, (debit $24), drive home. > > > > 3. Open a beer and drink it. > > > > 4. Jack truck up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. > > > > 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. > > > > 6.. In frustration, open another beer and drink it. > > > > 7. Place drain pan under engine. > > > > 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench. > > > > 9. Give up and use crescent wrench. > > > > 10. Unscrew drain plug. > > > > 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you > > in process. > > Cuss. > > > > 12. Crawl out from under truck to wipe hot oil off of face > > and arms. Throw > > kitty litter on spilled oil. > > > > 13. Have another beer while watching oil drain. > > > > 14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. > > > > 15. Give up; crawl under truck and hammer a screwdriver > > through oil filter > > and twist off. > > > > 16. Crawl out from under truck with dripping oil filter > > splashing oil > > everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among > > trash in trash > > can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. > > > > 17. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat > > of oil to > > gasket surface. > > > > 18. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. > > > > 19. Remember drain plug from step 11. > > > > 20. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. > > > > 21. Drink beer. > > > > 22. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the > > floor. Throw kitty > > litter on oil spill. > > > > 23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink > > beer. > > > > 24. Crawl under truck getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe > > eyes with oily > > rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent > > wrench tightening > > drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess > > skin between > > knuckles and frame. > > > > 25. Begin cussing fit. > > > > 26. Throw stupid crescent wrench. > > > > 27. Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit truck > > and left dent. > > > > 28. Beer. > > > > 29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood > > flow. > > > > 30. Beer. > > > > 31. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. > > > > 32. Beer. > > > > 33. Lower truck from jack stands. > > > > 34. Move truck back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil > > spilled during > > any missed steps. > > > > 35. Beer. > > > > 36. Test drive truck. > > > > 37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the > > influence. > > > > 38. Truck gets impounded. > > > > 39. Call loving wife, make bail.* *40. 12 > > hours later, get truck from > > impound yard.* *Money spent:* * > > Parts: $50.00 > > DUI: $2,500.00 > > Impound fee: $75.00 > > Bail: $1,500.00 > > Beer: $20.00 > > TOTAL: $4,145.00 > > > > But you know the job was done right!
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