Jokes: GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS
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Name:   HubCap The author of this post is registered as a member - Email Member
Subject:   GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS
Date:   10/16/2009 5:28:43 AM


>> >
>> > Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be
>> > dangerous.
>> > Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.
>> >
>> > A couple in Sweetwater , Texas , had a lot of potted plants. During a
>> > recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to
>> > protect
>> > them from a possible freeze.
>> >
>> > It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one
>> > of
>> > the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it
>> > go
>> > under the sofa.
>> >
>> > She let out a very loud scream.
>> >
>> > The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room
>> > naked
>> > to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the
>> > sofa.
>> >
>> > He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About
>> > that
>> > time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought
>> > the
>> > snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.
>> >
>> > His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told
>> > him to lie still and called an ambulance.
>> >
>> > The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him
>> > on
>> > the stretcher, and started carrying him out.
>> >
>> > About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the
>> > Emergency
>> > Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's
>> > when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.
>> >
>> > The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called
>> > on
>> > a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with
>> > a
>> > rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided
>> > it
>> > was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.
>> >
>> > But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she
>> > felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake
>> > rushed back under the sofa.
>> >
>> > The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR
>> > to
>> > revive her.
>> >
>> > The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery
>> > store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her
>> > husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking
>> > him
>> > out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.
>> >
>> > The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor
>> > lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that
>> > the
>> > snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of
>> > whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.
>> >
>> > By now, the police had arrived.
>> > Breathe here...
>> >
>> > They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a
>> > drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when
>> > the
>> > women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!
>> >
>> > The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his
>> > sobbing wife.
>> >
>> > Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of
>> > the
>> > policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the
>> > leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered
>> > and,
>> > as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.
>> >
>> > The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the
>> > window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out
>> > and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it
>> > and
>> > smashed into the parked police car.
>> >
>> > Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire
>> > department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they
>> > were
>> > halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires,
>> > put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city
>> > block area (but they did get the house fire out).
>> >
>> > Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was
>> > repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was
>> > right with their world.
>> >
>> > A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold
>> > snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they
>> > should
>> > bring in their plants for the night.
>> >
>> > And that's when he shot her.
>> >
>>
>>
Other messages in this thread:View Entire Thread
GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS - HubCap - 10/16/2009 5:28:43 AM
     GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS - muddauber - 10/16/2009 7:58:17 AM
     GARDEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS - lakngulf - 10/16/2009 11:20:22 AM



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