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Name:
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HubCap
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Subject:
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north and south
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Date:
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2/4/2010 5:57:30 AM
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> The difference between the North and the South - at last, clearly
> explained....
>
> The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General.
>
> The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.
>
> The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.
>
> The North has switchblade knives; the South has .45's
>
> The North has double last names; the South has double first names.
>
> The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.
>
> North has Cream of Wheat , the South has grits.
>
> The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.
>
> The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish.
>
> The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt..
>
> FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . ....
>
> In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in
> a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.
> Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live
> for.
>
> Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store... Do
> not buy food at this store.
>
> Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'
>
> Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to
> use it.
>
> Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't
> understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a
> transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or
> 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect
> this way. All of them are in denial about it.
>
> The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper .
>
> Be advised that 'He needed killin..' is a valid defense here.
>
> If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay
> out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
>
> If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
> accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery
> store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have
> to go there.
>
> Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they
> are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
>
> In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is
> to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
>
> AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think
> we will accept them as Southerners.. After all, if the cat had kittens in
> the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.
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