Jokes: New Stock Market Terms

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	Name:	HubCap -
	Subject:	New Stock Market Terms
	Date:	3/14/2009 6:06:12 AM

> New Stock Market
> Terms
>
> CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer
>
> CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer
>
> BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an
> investor to mistake himself for a financial
> genius
>
>
> BEAR MARKET - a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get
> no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets
> no sex.
>
>
>
> VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and
> selling lower.
>
>
> P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their
> pants as the market keeps crashing.
>
>
> BROKER - What my financial planner has made
> me.
>
>
> STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell..
>
>
> STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
>
>
> STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split
> your assets equally between themselves.
>
>
> MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
>
>
> CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it
> disappears down the toilet.
>
>
> YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some
> poor sucker for $240 per share.
>
>
> WINDOWS
> - What you jump out of when you're the sucker
> who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
>
>
> INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up
> in a nuthouse.
>
>
>
> PROFIT - an archaic
> word no longer in use.
>
>
>
> #
> # #
> # #
>
>
> If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta
> Airlines
>
> one year ago, you will have $49.00
> today.
>
> If you had purchased $1000 of shares in
> AIG
>
> one year ago, you will have $33.00
> today.
>
> If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman
> Brothers
>
> one year ago, you will have $0.00
> today.
>
> But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of
> beer
>
> one year ago, drank all the beer,
>
> then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling
> refund,
>
> you will have received $214.00.
>
>
> Based on the above, the best current
> investment plan
>
> is to drink heavily
> and recycle.
>
>
> It's called the 401-Keg.
>
>
>

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New Stock Market Terms - HubCap - 3/14/2009 6:06:12 AM

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