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Name:
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HubCap
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Subject:
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Why Women Are Crabby
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Date:
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11/24/2009 4:30:43 AM
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We started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to >> find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds >> hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously >> uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap >> until we had calluses on our backs. >> >> >> >> >> Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). >> Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the >> hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or >> insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had. >> >> >> >> Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time >> which was about as much fun as having a ramrod pushed up your uterus >> through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his >> little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was >> about. >> >> >> >> >> Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry >> crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day >> leaning over Brother John . Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and >> we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us >> steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were >> preparing to have Rosemary's Baby. >> >> >> >> Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon >> and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment >> arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in >> the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, >> moaning in pain all the way to the ER. >> >> >> >> >> Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while theOBsays, 'Please >> stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good >> push' (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch >> the %$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a >> wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole. >> >> >> >> After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that >> when all that 'cute' wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed >> into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little >> poop machines. >> >> >> Then come their 'Teen Years.' Need I say more? >> >> >> When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual >> prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th >> birthday. >> >> >> >> So we progress into the grand finale: 'Menopause', the >> Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in >> those now seasoned 'buds' or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat >> like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the >> head off anything that moves. >> >> >> >> Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when >> men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to >> pee in the woods without soaking their socks... >> >> >> So, while I love being a woman, 'Womanhood' would make the Great >> Gandhi a tad crabby. You think women are the 'weaker sex'? Yeah right. >> Bite me. >>
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