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Name:
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HubCap
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Subject:
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PEARLS OF WISDOM.
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Date:
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3/14/2011 6:40:28 AM
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PEARLS OF WISDOM.
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,
"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
-
Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
<><>
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to
read the description in the catalogue: - "No good in a bed, but fine against a
wall."
- Eleanor Roosevelt
<><>
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have
since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..
- Mark Twain
<><>
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and
to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns
<><>
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
<><>
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
<><>
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a
bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
<><>
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
<><>
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to
breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
<><>
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
<><>
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine
<><>
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery,
people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
<><>
Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of
misery
- Spike Milligan
<><>
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was"SHUT UP".
- Joe Namath
<><>
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope
<><>
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields
<><>
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through
Congress.
- Will Rogers
<><>
Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
As you grow older, it will avoid you
.
- Winston Churchill
<><>
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... But everything else starts to wear
out, fall out, or spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
<><>
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
<><>
And the cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out!
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