Jokes: The Bible according to kids
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Name:
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HubCap
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Subject:
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The Bible according to kids
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Date:
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4/3/2011 7:41:31 AM (updated 4/3/2011 7:42:15 AM)
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>
>
> Can you imagine a nun sitting at her desk grading these
papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!
>
> PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU
KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A
CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND
NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY
CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS
BEEN LEFT IN.
>
>
>
> 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED
OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
>
> 2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE . NOAH'S
WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
>
> 3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A
BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
>
> 4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY
HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
>
> 5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY
A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
>
> 6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE
APOSTLES.
>
> 7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE
UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS .
>
> 8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.
AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
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> 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE
APPLE.
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> 10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT
ADULTERY.
>
> 11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA
LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
>
> 12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD
HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
>
> 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE
LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
>
> 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700
PORCUPINES.
>
> 15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG
THE MAGNA CARTA.
>
> 16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED
THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
>
> 17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE
CONTRAPTION.
>
> 18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
>
> 19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO
OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY
SWEAT ALONE.
>
> 20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND
MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
>
> 21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12
DECIBELS.
>
> 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
>
> 23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A
TAXIMAN.
>
> 24. ST.. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY
ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
>
> 25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED
MONOTONY.
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