Name:   LonghornBoater - Subject:   Engineers Date:   7/18/2015 2:24:09 PM

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

  The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,
  minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,
  threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you
  want."

  The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes
  probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

  UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS #2

  To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is
  half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

  Understanding Engineers #3

  A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
  particularly slow group of golfers.

  The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting
  for fifteen minutes!"

  The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept  golf!"

  The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with
  him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
  They're rather slow, aren't they?"

  The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen.
  They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
  always let them play for free anytime!"

  The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I
  think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

  The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
  colleague and see if here's anything she can do for them."

  The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

  Understanding Engineers #4

  What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
  Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

  Understanding Engineers #5

  The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

  The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

  The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

  The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

  Understanding Engineers #6

  Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
  believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

  Understanding Engineers #7

  An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him
  and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

  He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

  The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a
  beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."

  The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned
  it to the pocket.
 
  The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
  princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."

  Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
  his pocket.

  Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
  beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do
  anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

  The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
  girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."

  And Finally

  Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its
  top.

  A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we
  don't have a ladder."

  The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and
  laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her
  pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty-one feet, six inches,"
  and walked away.

  One engineer shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We
  ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

  Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs, and are currently
  serving in the United States Congress.