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	Name:	roswellric -
	Subject:	Light Humor
	Date:	11/7/2005 5:33:10 PM

Bob Hope:
>>ON TURNING 70: "You still chase women, but only downhill."
>>ON TURNING 80: "That's the time of your life when even your
>>birthday suit needs pressing."
>>ON TURNING 90: "You know you're getting old when the candles
>>cost more than the cake."
>>ON TURNING 100: " I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel
>>anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."
>>ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING: "I ruined my hands in
>>the ring ... the referee kept stepping on them."
>>ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR: "Welcome to the Academy Awards
>>or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover.'"
>>ON GOLF: "Golf is my profession. Show business is just to
>>pay the green fees."
>>ON PRESIDENTS: "I have performed for 12 presidents and
>>entertained only six."
>>ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER: "When I was born,
>>the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an
>>eight-pound ham.'"
>>ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL: "I feel very
>>humble, but I think I have the strength of character to
>>fight it."
>>ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY: "Four of us slept in the one
>>bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."
>>ON HIS SIX BROTHERS: "That's how I learned to dance --
>>waiting for the bathroom."
>>ON HIS EARLY FAILURES: "I would not have had anything to eat
>>if it weren't for the stuff the audience threw at me."
>>ON GOING TO HEAVEN: "I've done benefits for ALL religions.
>>I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."