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Name:
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Tate AU
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Subject:
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Chuck Norris
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Date:
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4/12/2006 3:36:10 PM
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I don't know if any of you have heard of these Chuck Norris jokes but they are histerical. Basically the premise of all of the jokes is that Chuck is such a bad dude he can do whatever he wants. Some can be a little crude, but don't hold it against me I didn't make them up. Enjoy.
"Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. "
"Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did."
"Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. "
"Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. "
"Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits."
"There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. "
"Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. "
"The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. "
" It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart."
" Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. "
" If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris. "
" Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. "
" If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list. "
"Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card."
"Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield."
" Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it. "
"Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is
injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer.
This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt
to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights."
"Before the boogey man goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris"
URL: Chuck Reading His Jokes
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