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Name:
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SeaRayMan
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Subject:
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BHO-BS Airlines
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Date:
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11/6/2008 5:12:06 PM
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Good morning ladies and gentlemen and as your Captain for today's flight I would like to welcome you all to BHO-BS airlines.
While this is my first flight as Captain I want to assure everyone to rest easy and trust me that all will be well with me at the controls. Yes it's true I have no experience in this particular aircraft, or any aircraft for that matter, but please remember that I have been voted 'Most Likely to Succeed' by millions of mindless Americans who really don't care as long as I tell them what they want to hear and make promises I have no intention of keeping. They understood that the most important was to have 'Change' and get me at the controls.
I'm sure they would not have entrusted me with this position as your Captain if they had any doubts about what I told them about me. You see, while I have no experience, I am highly educated and a damned good talker. I can talk the nickers off a nun.
I am sure I will be able to handle any emergency we might encounter during our flight today. There are lots of buttons up here and I know eventually I will find the right one. Besides if I unconditionally become 'One-with-the-engines' I think they will be fine. You should feel secure in the fact that I raised a lot of money from people who know absolutely nothing about me in order get control of this aircraft A few doubters have said, 'You have no experience to fly this aircraft'. But look, here I am! Besides, I think experience is very overrated; don't you? I mean how hard could it be? Lot 's of people have taken just a few hours in flight schools and most of them ended up where they wanted to go. And except for some unruly passengers they all would have reached their destinations. Remember, you all knew before you boarded that I had no experience and you, like guilt ridden sheep, came on board anyway. Aren't you happy we have gotten beyond that stereotype that all pilots should have experience before they fly commercial aircraft?
But enough of that.
You will note there are headsets available for you all so you can listen to RFFF, Radio Free Flip-Flop. And best of all you can listen in 27 different languages; (Hebrew & Yiddish not available) Yes, you can listen to whichever of my ever changing positions you like best.
Conservatives should tune into channel 1, moderates channel 2, liberals channel 3 and everyone will hear what they want to hear.
I'm sorry about those of you who actually think for yourselves, but there are so few of you it just wasn't cost effective to add a channel just for you. You know, you just can't please everyone!
The flight attendants will come by shortly to serve you breakfast, then lunch and later dinner. And guess what, it's all free. You heard me right; thanks to the generous, if somewhat unwilling, 'contributions' to BHO-BS airlines we are going to take care of you to the end, the very end.
They will also be serving complimentary drinks as well, strawberry, raspberry, grape; Be sure to drink the Kool-Aid!
You just sit back, relax and tune into channel 4 on RFFF to hear Rev. Wright say a thoughtful blessing for our trip. He was supposed to be on our flight but he very thoughtfully gave his seat to a little old lady when he heard I was Captain today. He told her she would enjoy the flight more than he would. (Disregard his language; he, like me, is just misunderstood due to some radical realists. I mean, really.).
Now, sit back, relax and trust your pilot. This is even more exciting for me than it is for you. I intend to take you places you could never have imagined.
Thank you again for flying BHO-BS Airlines where we are proud to have put the S back in BS and thank you for buying into it.
My name is Barack Hussein Obama and I approve this message before we head off into who knows where.
( Awhile later...)
Hello everyone, we are finally airborne; no one is more surprised than me. Now that we are successfully in the air I have an announcement to make: Guess What: We are going to a different destination! Surely you didn't believe that stuff on your ticket that led you to believe you could choose your destination. Look at your ticket where it says in the fine print: BHO-BS Airlines reserves the right to change anything at anytime and we are not bound to keep any promises you may have inferred prior to take-off.' Remember that 'change' is my moto.
Don't worry, be happy. Sit back and relax; when I decide where we are going you will be among the last to know. Isn't this exciting?
Oh, those of you on the left side of the aircraft look out your window and you will see the newest monument on the capital mall dedicated to the struggle of those heroic 24 million illegal immigrants who just yesterday became U.S. citizens; look close and you will see a replica of the sign-up office which we now have in every state in the USA and Mexico that gives each of them 3 free meals a day, free education, free health care, a new car, a home and amnesty for any crime they may have committed or will ever commit. There is also a toll free telephone there to call all their relatives and have them join them here in America , at U.S. government expense of course. You can see they must go through the voter registration line first where they can register for any party they choose as long as it is the Democratic Party. (Instructions are in Spanish, Arabic, Farsi, Chinese and Swahili. All others who wish to apply must learn one of these languages to qualify.)
Those on the right side of the Aircraft look out and you will see all those people going to work in order to pay for all the things I have just told you about. Suckers!
Ooops, another one of those pesky red lights. Gotta go! Have a very nice flight!
Uh Ted, where is the cancel all warning lights circuit breaker?
You think you would never fly in an airplane with a captain who has no experience. But wait: You may have no choice!
PRAY FOR OUR COUNTRY!
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