Name: |
Shortbus
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Subject: |
SHASCAM
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Date:
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11/23/2014 10:59:01 PM
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Just called up Oboatacare.
They have a great plan I'm excited about.
The monthly payments are great for my $5,000 boat, and only double each year.
There is some small print about the $6000 deductible I don't quite understand yet though.
I am so happy; a super guy from MIT much smarter than myself convinced me everything will be ok.
(Receptionist)
Hello, Welcome to ObamaFlowers, My name is Trina. How can I help
you?
(Customer) Hello, I received an email from Professional Flowers
stating that my flower order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange
to reorder it. I tried your website, but it seems like it is not working. So I
am calling the 800 number.
(Receptionist) Yes, I am sorry about the
website. It should be fixed by the end of November. But I can help
you.
(Customer) Thanks, I ordered a "Spring Bouquet" for our anniversary,
and wanted it delivered to my wife's work..
(Receptionist Interrupting)
Sir, "Spring Bouquets" do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to
provide you with Red Roses.
(Customer) But I have always ordered "Spring
Bouquets".. Roses are too expensive for me and besides, my wife likes the
Spring Bouquet.
(Receptionist) Roses are better, sir, I am sure your wife
will love them.
(Customer) Well, how much are they?
(Receptionist)
It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum
package.
(Customer) What's the difference?
(Receptionist) 6, 12,18
or 24 Red Roses.
(Customer) The Silver package may be okay, how much is
it?
(Receptionist) It depends sir, what is your monthly
income?
(Customer) What does that have to do with
anything?
(Receptionist) I need that to determine your government flower
subsidy, then I can determine how much you’re out of pocket cost will be. But if
your income is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our
FlowerAid department.
(Customer) FlowerAid?
(Receptionist) Yes,
Flowers are a Right, everyone has a right to flowers. So, if you can't
afford them, then the government will supply them free of
charge.
(Customer) Who said they were a Right?
(Receptionist)
Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it
Constitutional..
(Customer) Whoa.....I don't remember seeing anything in
the Constitution regarding Flowers as a Right.
(Receptionist) It is not
really a Right in the Constitution, but ObamaFlowers is Constitutional because
the Supreme Court Ruled it a "Tax". Taxes are Constitutional. But we feel
it is a Right.
(Customer) I don't believe this....
(Receptionist)
It's the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the
Silver Package, so what is your monthly income sir?
(Customer) Forget it,
I think I will forego the flowers this year...
(Receptionist) In that
case sir, I will still need your monthly income.
(Customer)
Why?
(Receptionist) To determine what your 'non-participation' cost would
be.
(Customer) WHAT???? You can't charge me for NOT buying
flowers!!!
(Receptionist) It's the law of the land, sir, approved by the
Supreme Court. It's $9.50 or 1% of your monthly
income.....
(Customer)interrupting) This is ridiculous, I'll pay the
$9.50..
(Receptionist) Sir, it is the $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income,
whichever is greater.
(Customer) ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? What a
rip-off!!
(Receptionist) Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it
will be 2%.
(Customer) Look, I'm going to call my Congress member to find
out what's going on here. This is ridiculous. I'm not going to pay
it.
(Receptionist) Sorry to hear that sir, that's why I had the NSA track
this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are
using.
(Customer) Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I
AM USING????
(Receptionist) So they get your GPS coordinates
sir
(Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock
on the door)
(Receptionist) That would be the IRS sir. Thanks for calling
ObamaFlowers, have a nice day...and God Bless America
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