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Name: |
CAT BOAT
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Subject: |
Craigs list??????
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Date:
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11/20/2009 4:39:39 PM
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> AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD > > > > To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: > 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T. > > I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I > hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, > threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and > earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important > message. > > First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to > actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. > The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My > girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my > birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. > Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at > your head ... isn't it?! > > I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with > that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking > bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with > me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help > mug us again]. > > After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I > explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up > my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on > your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was > extremely grateful! > > I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with > all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!] > > I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at > the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the > entire driver's side of the car. > > Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell > just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little > over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in > two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while > mentioning President Obama as my possible target. > > The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while > he traced your number etc.). > > In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this > type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened > crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather > immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity > to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to > pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. > > Have a good day! > > Thoughtfully yours, > > Alex > > P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil
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