(Lake Lanier Specific)
149 messages
Updated 2/24/2023 6:27:46 AM
Lakes Online Forum
83,987 messages
Updated 9/26/2024 8:56:44 AM
Lakes Online Forum
5,204 messages
Updated 9/14/2024 10:10:50 AM
(Lake Lanier Specific)
3 messages
Updated 7/28/2021 3:19:01 PM
Lakes Online Forum
4,172 messages
Updated 9/9/2024 5:04:44 PM
Lakes Online Forum
4,261 messages
Updated 5/28/2024 6:31:10 AM
Lakes Online Forum
2,979 messages
Updated 6/26/2024 5:03:03 AM
Lakes Online Forum
98 messages
Updated 4/15/2024 1:00:58 AM
|
|
|
| Name: |
Feb
- 
|
|
| Subject: |
Some Laughs or Sighs One
|
|
Date:
|
9/6/2007 2:20:25 PM
|
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. (Don't know whether this is true or not - We will have to ask Sally.)
Here are last year's winners.....
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gent ly drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains -- one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, and the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant
|
| Name: |
Lakeman
-
|
|
| Subject: |
Some Laughs or Sighs One
|
|
Date:
|
9/6/2007 2:42:56 PM
|
Feb that is funny.
|
| Name: |
Jim Dandy
-
|
|
| Subject: |
I'll go with laughs!
|
|
Date:
|
9/6/2007 2:53:34 PM
|
|
| Name: |
MythBuster
-
|
|
| Subject: |
Some Laughs or Sighs One
|
|
Date:
|
9/6/2007 3:13:06 PM
|
I'll bet you hated to see me respond! :-)
Here's my take: those aren't actually examples turned in by English teachers, but are entries from the annual "Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest." In fact, I recognize a couple of them from a book about the Bulwer-Lytton contest. (link below)
This contest encourages people to write the WORST opening line imaginable. It was named after Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, the guy who opened a novel with "It was a dark and stormy night," which was probably made famous by Snoopy. (The entire opening sentence: "It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."
All of this is not meant to put down your post; I find the Bulwer-Lytton contest stuff hilarious, and I'm glad you posted this. I'm just giving credit where credit is due. (And can you believe that these authors actually want credit for writing this dreck? Well, at least they wrote bad on purpose; not everybody who can't write can say that!)
URL: Bulwer-Lytton
|
| Name: |
Feb
-
|
|
| Subject: |
Just The Opposite
|
|
Date:
|
9/6/2007 4:02:26 PM
|
Thanks for the input. I personally questioned if it were too bad to be true; thus my added remark to the post. Agree with providing credit where credit is due (???). LOL
|
| Name: |
Lakeman
-
|
|
| Subject: |
Just The Opposite
|
|
Date:
|
9/6/2007 5:47:14 PM
|
This is funny regardless and almost as funny as the court room lawyers questions. Myth it is always good to have you standing by to keep things pure. Thanks.
|
| Name: |
BigFoot
-
|
|
| Subject: |
Just The Opposite
|
|
Date:
|
9/6/2007 6:34:11 PM
|
I second that, Lakeman. Thanks to Feb and the Myth Man!!
|
|
|
New Post
Search
Lake Lanier Topics Forum
Reply
»
Georgia Lakes
»
Lake Lanier
Login
|
Home
