Name:   MAJ USA RET - Subject:   Submissiveness and slavery are two different deals Date:   12/12/2013 5:57:45 PM (updated 12/12/2013 6:03:52 PM)

As a writer, it is my responsibility to KNOW my characters.   The best writers know and respond to the needs of men and women.  Readers need to identify with my characters.

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A doctor who was studying marriage counseling noticed that it was basically ineffective… a crap shoot.*  He began to notice a pattern in the unmet expectations of failing relationships. He decided to do a statistically significant survey of successful relationships. He also decided to make the sample population so large that he could have a 99% confidence in the outcome. To that end, he conducted a survey of thousands of men and women.

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With respect to most women, the following are, in order, their top five expectations:

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1 – Affection – Without fail, women want affection. This is the top producer of romance. Affection is cuddling, and cute nick names, and childishness in each other’s presence. Affection is random kissing and touching. Affection is that perfect glass of deep red wine at sunset. This very same need is expressed in grown women sleeping with stuffed toys.

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2 – Conversation – This IS NUMBER TWO!  Women want mutual verbal expression.  They want to TALK about what is going on in their life… and yours.  They do not usually want you to line up the problems and engineer a solution(s). This need is deeper than that.  Before you assume there is a problem to be solved, finish listening.  The key here, is to listen… not act… unless she specifically asks you to act on something.  Before you charge off to save her from the dragon, ask her if she wants you to do that.  When it comes to hearing a woman talk, most men are “engineers.”

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3 – Commitment - There must be an underlying, unspoken, faith that he is focused on her and no one else.  He is either hers… or not hers.  If he is not hers and hers alone, stop reading… the other two don’t matter and won’t happen anyway… and the first two above… are insincere.

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4 – Security – Despite what anyone says, especially coming from a feminist, women are programmed to seek a reliable, dependable, safe place to be.  Even if he can’t provide this in an absolute sense, if he is committed to taking her there, she will stand by him all of the way.  [The feminists hate this one.  They can’t get 1 and 3 and their version of 2 sounds like squeaky brakes.]

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5 – Forthrightness – Strange, No?  But women want to believe that he is being straight with them.  They want to trust every word that comes to them from his mouth.  This need is so strong that some women will believe bald faced lies because they want to.  I’ll bet that you don’t have to reflect very long to name a woman like this.

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With respect to men’s needs:

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1 - Sexual fulfillment - Women, just because you are not interested in making love to your man doesn’t mean he is not interested in making love to you.  If he can’t be with the one he chooses, don’t begrudge his other choices.
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2 - Recreational companionship - If someone else of the opposite sex joins him in his favorite recreational activities, you are at risk that he might fall in love with that person.  If you are not together when you are enjoying yourselves the most, you are squandering an opportunity to bond.

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3 - Attractive spouse - Have you stopped dressing for him?  Did you cut your hair because it was inconvenient?  Do you know your BMI or WHR?  Is polyester your new favorite fabric? Do you have a full length mirror in your house?  What does he see? 

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4 - Domestic support - He needs a home just as much as you do. What is his home like?

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5 - Admiration - If you think bravado is an indicator of a man’s self-esteem, then you don’t need to admire him anymore. 

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If a man and his woman see submissiveness in the above conditions… and they both agree on their responsibilities to one another… then “being submissive” is nobody else’s business but theirs.  I am sure that many who consider the topic of this thread are drawn to the haunting thesis of “Fifty Shades of Grey.” But, rarely is the “sub” not in control of the relationship. If he or she is not… then it is slavery.

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* Harley, William F., Jr., Pd.D., 1986, His Needs, Her Needs, Fleming H Revell Co; Thirty-first printing, April 1993 edition (June 1, 1986), ISBN-10: 0800714784, ISBN-13: 978-0800714789