Lake Placid Topics: The Final Word

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	Name:	DwightSchrute -
	Subject:	The Final Word
	Date:	3/29/2006 3:02:17 AM

I have decided to give the final, definitive, and correct answer to this so-called boat controversy. I haven’t studied the problem at all, but I don’t need to, for I have two powerful tools—super-powers, if you will—at my disposal. They are logic, and one other one that I can’t remember at the moment, but it doesn’t matter, because it is always there when I need it… whatever it is.

There is an old saying: Might Makes Right. And what is mightier, something big, or something small? The answer: big. This, of course, goes against sayings such as “The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword,” but I’m ignoring those old sayings, because they don’t help my argument.

What was better: the Death Star, or the planet Alderran? The Death Star, of course, because it blew that planet to smithereens. And which was bigger? Death Star, of course. The Death Star was really big, 900 kilometers in diameter; if you’re one of those who believe that 160 kilometers is the real answer, well, you’re just wrong. The Death Star held 27,048 officers, 774,576 crew including troopers, pilots and officials, 400,000 support workers and over 25,000 Imperial Stormtroopers. It also carried assault shuttles, Skipray Blastboats, strike cruisers, drop ships, land vehicles, and support ships as well as 7,200 TIE fighters. Do you really think all of those people could live on something that had a diameter of only 160 kilometers? Get a life.

And what finally destroyed The Death Star? A tiny X-Wing Fighter, piloted by Luke Skywalker… who used The Force, which as anyone knows is as big as the entire universe, bigger even that The Death Star.

Closer to home, what animal is the King of the Jungle? The lion. And what animal is the largest in the jungle? Not the lion, BUT if you ignore wrinkly animals like elephants, rhinoceri, and hippopotami, then the lion is the biggest. And the fastest, not counting the cheetah.

So the bottom line is, big boats are better than little boats, because Bigger is Better. Except when it comes to pee-pee size, and then it’s definitely not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean. And anyway, you can always overcome feelings of inadequacy caused by a small pee-pee by buying a big boat.